Why Teenage Girls are Fucking Idiots. (Like LOLOMG, hay BFF luv u (33333!)

Teenagers in general are idiots. The only thing stupider than a teenager is a teenage girl. I'm not talking about book smarts, but general retardation. So if I need to dig up a little dirt on stupid teenager girls, I need to go where stupid teenage girls thrive like maggots in a corpse. I have to make a MySpace account.

Why Myspace and not Facebook? Well I have several reasons why:

1. People on Facebook are generally more mature than MySpace users.

2. I have a Facebook page, and only one email so I can't do it anonymously.

3. On Myspace, you can change your display name at will, so it is a very good way to get a public first impression without having to attempt to make friends.

As a preface I am going to give some AIM profile examples from Sydlexia (www.sydlexia.com), a blogger that I have an utmost respect for. Quoted bits are AIM profiles, unquoted are his responses.

"He handed her 12 roses. 11 real 1 fake. He said I'll love you until the last one dies..."

Omigawd, that's so sweet... and trite... and pointless.

"Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, survived, or died of cancer "

The ribbon irritates me for a few reasons. First of all, every goddamn person in the entire world knows someone who is fighting, survived, or died of cancer - so fucking what? It was nice of you to feign social awareness, but putting a shitty graphic in your AIM profile isn't going to cure cancer. Even if it did, the pink ribbon that people use with this quote is only for breast cancer. So if you know people who died of other types of cancer, this ribbon doesn't support them in any way. And if that weren't bad enough, most girls are too fucking stupid to actually find pink on the AIM color chart so they end up using fuchsia instead.

"a wise girl kisses but never loves- listens but doesnt believe- and leaves before she is left "

Not many people know it but this quote comes from an old self-help book called How To Guarantee All Your Relationships Will Fail So You Can Perpetually Feel Sorry Yourself.

"stay close enough to have fun YET far enough not to get hurt."

Translation: I'm a total slut.

"What is meant to be will be. . . "

This one is particularly insidious because it's basically an excuse to suck at life. Boyfriend cheated on you? Got fired from your job? Gained 25 pounds? Don't worry, it's not your fault; it's just fate. There's just one little problem with this philosophy: IT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT. Things happen because people cause them to happen. It's like Kyle Reese said in The Terminator: "There is no fate but what we make."

"Dance like no one's looking. Sing like no one's listening. Love like you've never been hurt."

This is great advice if your goal is to look like a complete fucking idiot. If you want to blunder your way through life with a childlike naivete, I won't stop you. But don't come crying to me when you fail.

"if you're gonna go greek, why not be a goddess?"

Hey if you're gonna suck one dick, why not suck fifty? Telling people that you're a sorority girl is like telling people that you're a massage therapist; they assume you're a whore. The difference is that Delta Zeta girls don't actually get paid to sleep with guys they just met.


I really could have just stopped there, Syd really speaks to my point there. But, as they said in many countries throught the world (from pre-0 A.D. thru about 1965):

"Women are simply not worth Man's time or effort due to their smaller brains being only fit to cook and bear children. We need not explain or comings and goings to them, as they will simply not understand."

Ahh... truer words were never spoken... Anywho here is each girls display name, followed by their posted age and something off their profile. Oh and turns out most of these fucking retards don't know how to mark things as private.

[its PR3TTYB3AR!!] ^_^
Age: 18
About Me: imm 5'3 but imm not short imm [FUNSiZE] haha loves tew have fun, scream, jump, yell, dance laff lol imm vry [RANDOM] yupp imm not scared of putting myself out there :) soo umm yea imm blk fillipino chinese n thai, i have big brown eyes n long blk hair thass all i can rly think of rite now soo yea hmu

Fun Fact: Is grossly overweight, and has recently uploaded pictures of herself eating candy. Fucking fatass.

.♥.
Age:14 «3
grade: freshmen
Status; Single willing to change(:
Attitude; nice♥
weed; my freaking passion:p
Music; life.
Friends; My whole life«3
Arguments; hate's them
New experiences; cool(:
Bad Language; Get over it:D
You; Maybe some day!☺ My ending; Still writting it...

Fun Fact: Absolute trash


And Now I'm stopping because for some reason MySpace decided to load a site trying to trick me into downloading malware. Fuck those assholes.

The Legend of the Facebook Dick Suck List

I'm not sure the date this list came into existence, but I do know it is fucking hilarious. I came across this on a forum one day, and have been waiting to write about it. All the details are included in the picture accompanying this article, but I'll give you the story in the shorthand.

An Asian kid got ratted on by his sister about a case of beer in his room and got grounded by his overly strict parents. (While I personally think drinking/smoking/drugs is a rediculous waste of time and money, as well as the fact that it's all incredibly bad for you, three months for 12 beers is a tad harsh. That's like a week a beer.)

So for revenge he decided to snoop in his sister's room to try and get some dirt to use as revenge. He achieves the true glory of over 9000 laughs and over 9000 smiles with the discovery of his sister's "Hook-Up List". It has a list of all the people she has fucked or otherwise fooled around with, as well as people she plans to in the future.

Of course, using the infinite power of the interwebs, he uploads the list to Facebook and everyone gets to revel in his sister's whory goodness. We all dream about being able to ruin our siblings lives, but rarely does this chance come along. I hope she was just gettin into high school or better yet, still in middle school, just so she is haunted by this epic win for as long as possible before transfering to online school and going to a college as far away as possible.

Suicide Attempts - 20 points originally, with a 2 point diminishing return for each attempt.

Failing at Suicide - 10 points for 1st three times only. Then it degrades to wrist slitting.

Wrist Slitting - 5 points.

Dropout/Transfer Schools - 35 points, Add up total.

An Hero - 50 points, Add up total.

Why Starcraft II Graphics Piss Me Off

Sorry about the delay in posting, my non existent readers. But I do return with an issue that I'd like to discuss. Starcraft II is a phenomenally fun game, Blizzard once again outdid themselves in terms of gameplay and storyline, but I have one small grievance with them in terms of the first episode of the three part series that is Starcraft II.

What the fuck did you do to the graphics?

Blizzard has been bragging on about their new, improved graphics since the sequel was announced, but it wasn't until I actually saw the game that I realized what they had done. What they had done, was in fact the main thing that they were told not to do by fans who were beta testing the original game. They originally intended to use a graphics style similar to the Warcraft series, which had more detailed, yet somewhat cartoony visuals.

After the numerous complaints that this type of graphic style didn't fit the darker style of Starcraft, Blizzard shrank down the graphics to smaller, less detailed versions, as well as changed the color pallets to include more dark and neutral tones. Now, we see that in order to "utilize more of the high end capabilities of modern PCs", they have reverted to their original art style. What we are left with is a bunch of cartoon Spartans from Halo taking the place of our Marines, and Zerg that are far too brightly colored for my personal taste.

I understand that things are different this time around. The Zerg have mysteriously vanished, and the Terrans are starting to rebuild their shattered colonies. Naturally we will see some different colored environments this time around, but I loved the small scale of the characters and vehicles. To make them bigger changes one of the biggest aspects of this game that separate it from it's Warcraft brethren.

Warcraft introduced the Hero class to modern RTS games, their ability to level up and learn whatever skills you wish them to. Such a degree of selective upgrading was unheard of at the time. That combined with their regenerative healing abilities made the Heroes largely unbalanced. To be able to complete a map with nothing but a Hero really speaks to the unbalanced nature of the idea.

This was also fixed in Starcraft. It's a cold hard world in the depths of space, and the fact that Hero characters didn't have an amazing assortment of abilities in addition to the fact that they weren't magically restored to full health over time made you admire the sparse bonuses in strength that you got. It really made the Heroes feel heroic, rather than godly.

This relates to my original point. Starcraft was, on the whole, much more challenging then Warcraft. So the smaller troop size and larger view of the map really made devising attack plans and tactically moving towards your enemy made flanking and sneak attacks much easier to coordinate. You could send a squad of Marines in to draw enemies away from a base, sneak in with a Ghost to nuke the area between an enemy's main building and where it's gatherers mined minerals, and pick off any stragglers without moving your focus from their base. I personally have used this divert, nuke, rush strategy numerous times in both campaigns and online and it works more often than not.

Now, I can barely fit two full squads of units on the screen, even at high-end resolutions. And while it certainly looks prettier than it's predecessor, It lacks the dark origins of the series' style in both art and gameplay. So while it is still a fantastic game and well worth spending the money to buy, it is in my opinion lacking some of the key stylings of the original.

Synonyms and the General Over-Construction of the English Language

There are so many words in the English language, and sometimes you just don't know the right words to choose. When many people want to learn about words they've never used before, or if they just want to spice up their normal conversations (probably just to appear more intelligent), they buy a thesaurus. While I am rather linguistic myself, I often ask myself, "Why, oh why do we need so many damn words?"

Now unfortunately, I know there will never be an attempt to rid the world of all its useless words, and even if there was this has proven to not work well in George Orwell's classic novel 1984. The language in the book, known as Newspeak, sought to remove all synonyms and antonyms as well as of course, to control the minds of the people. They took all the synonyms for good, and simply just got rid of them. This means all of your fancy-schmancy words like fantastic, great, wonderful, and yes even orgasmic were replaced with good, plusgood, and doubleplusgood.

And of course while they were in the process of getting rid of all of the synonyms, they said " Hell, why don't we just get rid of all of the incidents as well?" And that's just what they did. Bad, and all of its synonyms became ungood, plusungood, and so on and so forth.

And of course in the context of the story, this was merely done to control the thoughts and minds of people. Let's go through a quick exercise and we can really see what life would be like if we got rid of all of the synonyms for our various words.

We are going to choose a sentence that is absolutely filled to the brim with fancy words that most people don't know without the use of a thesaurus. That sentence is:

"I was flabbergasted and amazed at the audacity of the husband's decision to incapacitate his wife for her miserably feeble interpretation of the manuscript."

Now let us go to our trusty thesaurus and cut out all of those fancy interesting words with the shortest, most efficient, and simplest words we can. After we do this, the sentence winds up looking something like this:

"I was alarmed at nerve of the man's choice to hurt his spouse for her bad reading of the book."

Not only is it boringly simple, but it doesn't give us a proper feel for the situation. The so-called "fixed" sentence gives us just the facts, without any embroidering world operating in any way. The original sentence takes us down an entrancing journey of mimsy and wonder, and of course, spousal abuse based on a wife's inability to read well. And if I know one thing, it's that everybody loves a good spousal abuse story. And we certainly wouldn't want to ruin that.

Absorbing a Compendium of Knowledge - AKA: Spending the Day With my Girlfriend While She's at Work

Today, as you can tell from my last post, I went to work with my girlfriend today. While she did her job, I sat in the cafe and read every magazine I usually follow month to month. So I went and got my stack from the magazine section, this is what I read today:

Discover
Popular Science
Popular Mechanics
Electronic Gaming Monthly
Some magazine about the entire Zelda series
Playstation Official Magazine
Maximum PC
PSM

Quite a lot of interesting stuff. Discover's Vital Signs article proved that being a doctor can be as dramatic as House MD makes us believe. The Zelda mag was fantastic, although I already knew everything in it. Cannot wait for the new Mortal Kombat, It's gonna be sick. I am officially saving for a PS3 for that, Assassin's Creed (The three that matter), MGS, and Little Big Planet 2. Check out the 2010 Dream Machine in Maximum PC, if you don't want to read the magazine it should be online soon. Lets put it this way:

Dream Machine System Specs:

CPU – 2x Xeon X5680 @ $3,326
MEM – 24GB Corsair Dominator @ $1,300
MB – EVGA Classified SR-2 @ $650
GPU – 3x EVGA GTX 480 Superclocked @ $1,575
PSU – 1x Corsair AX1200 @ $300
PSU – 1x Thermaltake Power Express 450W @ $100
SSD – 2 OCZ Vertex 2 200GB @ $1,480
HD – 2x WD 2TB Caviar Black @ $400
Optical – Plextor B940SA @ $219
Sound – Auzentech X-Fi Forte @ $150
Case – Mountain Mods U2-UFO @ $600
Cooling – DangerDen Custom Liquid Cooling (model ?) @ $1,159
Grills – Mnpctech Rad grill w/ 360 center & 120mm Nautilus fan grill
Keyboard – Microsoft X6 @ $58
Mouse – Mad Catz R.A.T. 7 @ $100
Fan Bay – NZXT Sentry LX @ $80
Monitor – 3x HP ZR30w @ $3,900
OS – MS Windows 7 @ $180

Total = $15,782

The rest of the magazines were utterly insignificant, sadly enough. Oh and on a side note, Other M looks like the first Metroid game on the Wii that won't suck.

My Girlfriend's Complete Lack of Social Tact

I love my girlfriend very much, although we do come to many disagreements over many different things. Coping is an important part of dealing with life, at least thats what the court suggested therapist that I went to once and never again told me. So I thought I would cope with my biggest peeve about my girlfirend here to you non existant readers.

First thing off, she has absolutely no problem telling me who she thinks is cute. That I really don't mind in itself. It's natural to still become physically attracted to other people when in a committed relationship. (GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU GOD DAMN FLY! STOP BOTHERING ME WHILE I TYPE THIS YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER!)

But if one of those so called 'cuties' were to approach her, as I have just had the experience of seeing firsthand, she has no problem flirting with them. Once again, this does not bother me at all normally. It's one thing to flirt, but to do it right in front of your boyfriend? That seems a little fucked up to me.

The next part of this little rant is about what could be considered physical abuse. She will smack me over the slightest thing, or hit me in the shoulders or chest. I can't possibly consider this abuse because she isn't strong enough to cause me any physical distress, but it is still embarrasing to be smacked around by a girl two years younger than you in public, without being able to respond because that would be assault.

I must sidebar for a brief moment and talk to you about a Target employee named Andrew. This isn't at the Target I work at, but a different one My girlfriend works at. She does promotional work for various stores in the area, and this one happens to contain the nefarious douche called Andrew. (GO AWAY FLY! JESUS CHRIST.)

As I write this I asked her his name, being torn by my inability to distinguish his name from Alexander in my peripheal vision, She told me to call him Andy. she immedietly followed this up with saying that we should name one of our kids Andy someday. If you haven't put it together, Andrew was the person she was flirting with in front of me. Talk about lack of tact.

And while I'm going to allow her to read this, (after backing it up and hiding it of course, all my posts are first typed in Notepad, because I work best with it.) I figure I can say something embarassing about her, as no one else will read this anyways.

My girlfriend apparently got wet from looking at Edward and Jacob barbie dolls. (Quick Sidebar: After mimicking pouring soda on my laptop I told her that intentionally destroying my $1200 PC would be break up worthy, she said very plainly she doesn't need me. Nice.) She probably said it to piss me off because I, like everyone else who isn't who doesn't have an IQ smaller than their height in inches, hate the Twilight books and films (Seriously, vampires and werewolves are about as original as WWII video games.). She was looking at it and announced to me and anyone within 10 feet that she practically just came. Wow, I wonder what it is like to live so shamelessly.

To return to the thesis of this post, I love my girlfriend, although she tends to be socially awkward in the complete opposite way that I am.